finding inspiration. fighting intimidation. rambling on.

I've been looking at this book by Kelly Rae Roberts for a while and finally picked it up this weekend. I read the intro last night before going to bed. I love the story of a person's creative journey. The struggle to find and finally honor that creative voice. Finding your wings and taking flight. I'm always inspired by stories like Kelly's and by other artists. If you visit Art Saves by Jenny Doh you can read about her plus many more.

I read these stories and then I wonder where my passion is. If I were to tell a story about art saving me would it reveal a real passion for art or nothing more than an escape from a daily routine?

I don't have a cathartic turning point that pushed me to find my passion. I've always been creative but never went beyond seeing it as a hobby. Even doing the occasional craft fair here and there.

Still I've always longed to be an artist in some way.

I dated a musician for a while which opened up a new creative world for me. I learned photography and did the promo shots for his band. We went to art openings, did artsy things and for a while I thought I was living an artist's life. But it was an immature relationship. I was young and realized that it wasn't what I wanted.

I fell in love with my husband and went on to live a comfortable, practical life in suburbia. I worked in retail for a while and always managed to find jobs that allowed me to be creative in some form. Always holding back and keeping one foot in the practical world. Constantly struggling to find my identity.

Always that little voice whispering 'there must be something more'.

When my son was born I found a reason to reignite that creative spark. Nothing reminds you of how to use your imagination like playing with a child. By nurturing his imagination I was beginning to feed mine.

Wow I'm really rambling here aren't I? Sorry. Don't really know how I got here!

Fast forward 13 years later. Over the years I kept creating. When the Kiddo and I discovered Harry Potter I realized that this child of mine inherited my passion for wanting to live in a creative magical world. We crafted our own version of Hogwarts (I'm Prof. Petunia of course). I started making props to ad to his collection and actually sold some of them on Etsy and Ebay. I became the Floo Powder lady!

Still I wanted to create something that expressed what I was feeling. And that's where I get stuck. I don't always know what that feeling is. Sometimes I'm simply inspired by someones work and I want to create my own version of it. Then I wonder if I'm just mimicking, if it's really coming from me.

The practical side of me always hears my husband's voice saying 'Can you sell it?' He has a tendency to see my creativity as something that should be utilized to bring in much needed income and I find myself thinking he's right. I should just come up with something formulaic, crank 'em out and sell, sell, sell.

I can't.

I get bored and there's enough of that out there I think which is wonderful too. Sadly I often think my talents are limited and best suited for more practical things. I know...I're only  limited by what you think your own limits are. It's an evil thing I might have developed from being raised by a creative mom who encouraged me to make things and a dad who would tell me I couldn't because you can't make a living at being artsy. People in our family just didn't do that he would say.

I have a cousin who really is an artist. She exhibits her work. Does interior design She married a guy that dances in a major ballet company. She lives a creative life. I think she's hecka cool. The rest of the family thinks she should've been a dentist like her mom.

So here I am with this book from Kelly Rae Roberts. I've told myself that unlike other books I've picked up for inspiration I'm actually going to follow it like a work book. Sort of like Julie and Julia where Julie commits to doing all of Julia's recipes for a year. This is what I want to do with this book. Page by page. Chapter by chapter. Learn new techniques, actually have something to show for and see if I really can become an artist.

This is my own creative challenge.

Whew! I'm wondering whether to hit the publish button or not. I accidentally hit enter and poof  it's published! So here it is. Just my Monday ramblings. My brain and me trying to work out where we fit in the creative scheme of things.

You know I think I still have half a donut left from yesterday! Hmmm...


Leanne said...

Oh, Anna... we are more alike than I realized. Your post is honest and so beautiful. And something that I can relate to. I have been seeking that "push" myself - in so many ways. Winning a spot in Kelly Rae's upcoming e-course is like a major kick in the butt for me, and one that I welcome it. Kick Away Universe!!!! Kick Away! (Oh, and I happen to believe GREATLY in YOU! I would BUY something from you! A book - a piece of art - ANYTHING. So, consider that a KICK!)

Miel Abeille said...

Anna, I love your art & your ramblings! Keep it up!

Jacalyn @ said...

Follow your heart! But first, LISTEN to your heart! I know hubby tries to help but don't let anything deter you! I too learned again how magical children are when I was raising my children! Why do we lose that?
If you have a moment, please stop by my blog and enter my give-a-way!

Sparkster said...

I've really enjoyed seeing what you make since our blogpaths crossed. I can understand your desire to be able to create an income with it as well as your boredom in doing that. I too get bored out of my mind when trying to do that. In fact, it sucks my creativity right out of me. Medical problems keep me from working outside of the house now so I battle with an inner need to contribute, which I'm getting better at. My husband gets a little frustrated with me when I start trying to push myself in the selling direction because he sees what it takes out of me and he'll straight up say to create what's inside of me. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks. Don't worry if you're the only person in the world who likes it, cause you won't be. Just let yourself go and do what comes natural. Don't be afraid of failure or messing up (cause I'm bad about that from the cost perspective... I hate wasting something) because you have to learn somehow. Just pour yourself and your heart into whatever you do. As long as it makes you happy and whoever receives it happy, that's all that matters. (cause I'm more often making for someone other than myself.)

I'm getting much better at following that advice, and I have to feels better. Oh, I still try to be thrifty. I just can't afford to use tons of certain products. But I can learn to create it myself. I'm someone who dabbles in just about every medium and craft that is out there. I don't think I'll ever be a master painter, I don't practice at it enough. But I still love to paint with all mediums. I'll never be a master carver or sculptor, but I can do enough to create what I want to. I doubt I'll ever be a master anything, but I've found that dabbling in everything it's opened up my creative world and allows me to pull from the different experiences when I need to in order to bring to life whatever it is that is stirring inside me. I'm not ever going to become known as the such and such lady because I'll never make enough of one thing to do that. But I do believe that creativity heals. It's done wonders for me and continues to do so every single day. I think it's great when someone can make money or a living off of what they create. But only if they gain enjoyment out of it. I've met people before who have had the pleasure of their creative nature sucked right out of them because of the business aspect of it and to me that is so sad. You have one of the most beautiful blogs that I've seen. Your photographs say what a million words can't. You lay things out in a manner that captures both the attention and the imagination. And then on top of it all, you create these whimsical pieces of magic and scatter images of them throughout the rest of it. I look forward to following your journey through that book. I think it will be a joy for all of us to see when like a butterfly, your glorious wings appear and lift you high above the ground. Hehe, I dare say you'll meet plenty of us along the way on our own journeys.

Don'tcha just love how so many of us are trying to bring creativity back into the everyday life, as opposed to the corporate world trying to squish it out of it? It gives me such a spark when I see someone discover they can make something they never thought themselves possible of doing. (Not talking about you here. I mean look at your blog. You make some gorgeous things!) I just love, love, love it. Hehe and I just ramble, ramble, ramble! Thank you for sharing your story with us and for the smile you've given me today when I read it.

Faith, trust, and faerie dust!