finding inspiration. fighting intimidation. rambling on.

I've been looking at this book by Kelly Rae Roberts for a while and finally picked it up this weekend. I read the intro last night before going to bed. I love the story of a person's creative journey. The struggle to find and finally honor that creative voice. Finding your wings and taking flight. I'm always inspired by stories like Kelly's and by other artists. If you visit Art Saves by Jenny Doh you can read about her plus many more.

I read these stories and then I wonder where my passion is. If I were to tell a story about art saving me would it reveal a real passion for art or nothing more than an escape from a daily routine?

I don't have a cathartic turning point that pushed me to find my passion. I've always been creative but never went beyond seeing it as a hobby. Even doing the occasional craft fair here and there.

Still I've always longed to be an artist in some way.

I dated a musician for a while which opened up a new creative world for me. I learned photography and did the promo shots for his band. We went to art openings, did artsy things and for a while I thought I was living an artist's life. But it was an immature relationship. I was young and realized that it wasn't what I wanted.

I fell in love with my husband and went on to live a comfortable, practical life in suburbia. I worked in retail for a while and always managed to find jobs that allowed me to be creative in some form. Always holding back and keeping one foot in the practical world. Constantly struggling to find my identity.

Always that little voice whispering 'there must be something more'.

When my son was born I found a reason to reignite that creative spark. Nothing reminds you of how to use your imagination like playing with a child. By nurturing his imagination I was beginning to feed mine.

Wow I'm really rambling here aren't I? Sorry. Don't really know how I got here!

Fast forward 13 years later. Over the years I kept creating. When the Kiddo and I discovered Harry Potter I realized that this child of mine inherited my passion for wanting to live in a creative magical world. We crafted our own version of Hogwarts (I'm Prof. Petunia of course). I started making props to ad to his collection and actually sold some of them on Etsy and Ebay. I became the Floo Powder lady!

Still I wanted to create something that expressed what I was feeling. And that's where I get stuck. I don't always know what that feeling is. Sometimes I'm simply inspired by someones work and I want to create my own version of it. Then I wonder if I'm just mimicking, if it's really coming from me.

The practical side of me always hears my husband's voice saying 'Can you sell it?' He has a tendency to see my creativity as something that should be utilized to bring in much needed income and I find myself thinking he's right. I should just come up with something formulaic, crank 'em out and sell, sell, sell.

I can't.

I get bored and there's enough of that out there I think which is wonderful too. Sadly I often think my talents are limited and best suited for more practical things. I know...I know...you're only  limited by what you think your own limits are. It's an evil thing I might have developed from being raised by a creative mom who encouraged me to make things and a dad who would tell me I couldn't because you can't make a living at being artsy. People in our family just didn't do that he would say.

I have a cousin who really is an artist. She exhibits her work. Does interior design She married a guy that dances in a major ballet company. She lives a creative life. I think she's hecka cool. The rest of the family thinks she should've been a dentist like her mom.

So here I am with this book from Kelly Rae Roberts. I've told myself that unlike other books I've picked up for inspiration I'm actually going to follow it like a work book. Sort of like Julie and Julia where Julie commits to doing all of Julia's recipes for a year. This is what I want to do with this book. Page by page. Chapter by chapter. Learn new techniques, actually have something to show for and see if I really can become an artist.

This is my own creative challenge.

Whew! I'm wondering whether to hit the publish button or not. I accidentally hit enter and poof  it's published! So here it is. Just my Monday ramblings. My brain and me trying to work out where we fit in the creative scheme of things.

You know I think I still have half a donut left from yesterday! Hmmm...